Book Review: The 5 Apology Languages

I’ve heard Gary Chapman speak and have enjoyed his books. This one is co-authored by Jennifer Thomas. How can someone write a whole book about apologizing? Well, turns out it’s a little complicated and we don’t all hear or feel apologies the same way. Starting at the beginning, a sincere apology means we may feel some guilt or shame, so offering an apology can help us, as well as the person we wronged. The one receiving our apology has a choice to accept it or not. This is where our language choices come in.

Some people want to hear the words, ‘I’m sorry.’ Others want to know that you’ll try to make changes so it doesn’t happen again. Others want to be asked to accept the apology; it’s complicated! The book does a nice job of sharing these different points of view and how a little thought on our side can help the person hear and accept our sincere apology. We can express regret, accept responsibility, make restitution, share our plan to change, and request forgiveness.

There’s a chapter called ‘What if you don’t want to apologize?’ Maybe you think it’s not worth trying, it was their fault anyway, or it will be difficult to say and hard to admit. There are some great examples that will challenge you to dig deep! Next up? The wronged person now has a choice to forgive. ‘Learning to Forgive’ is a great chapter with an interesting story about a young man who also had to learn to forgive himself. There’s an assessment to learn your language. Recommended! – CMW