Loneliness and Tech

Whether an introvert or extrovert, human beings are wired for connection. Study after study has shown that new born babies thrive when touched, held, talked to; and don’t when left physically alone. Historically, we live(d) in tribes, communities, neighborhoods, and of course the core family. We’ve identified ourselves with others in worship communities, colleges, social groups such as the VFW, Shriners, Masons, even our profession and associated groups, sports teams, and so many more.

During the 1930’s and 1940’s, many immigrants to the US lived in neighborhoods and had social clubs to help with the changes and transitions in the ‘new world’ while they navigated a new language and culture, often times cut off from those back home. For nine (9) years I directed a German Men’s Chorus in Elmhurst IL. I had the honor to direct their 100th Annual Concert! I met the members’ children, grand children, and great grandchildren. They shared their stories, supported each other, remembered their heritage, and fiercely supported the United States.

Technology has been a game-changer when it comes to connection! Our 97-year-old Aunt can call Germany from her cell phone and talk with her cousins and other family members. When she returned to the US at age 18, all alone, the only options were sending letters which took a long time to arrive. Later long distance telephone, which was expensive. We actually have had Teams meetings and Go To Meetings with our Argentina team members for years now, all through the web! Many people enjoy FaceTime and other quick-connect tools. When I travel, I constantly see people checking in with their spouse and children, sharing a ‘miss you’ or ‘love you’ face-to-face on their devices.

So why the topic of loneliness? It also turns out that the suicide rate for young people is at an epidemic proportion! One of the most technically connected generations in history is lonely, so much so that they choose to end it all; such a loss to all of us. Other generations are not immune either.

At the CFMA Annual conference in Texas, one of the speakers shared the top five industries with the highest suicide rates and Construction came in as number two! As businesses in this very industry, that should be quite alarming and definitely a wake up call. As part of a tech-savvy generation with many ways to stay connected with friends and family, why are our team members, our children, our co-workers, so alone?

I’m reminded of the saying that ‘quality time’ versus ‘quantity of time’ with our children is so critical. It seems the answer may lie right in this statement. Spending time surfing through pictures, sending emojis in response to short messages, spending the friends’ night out taking pictures with our phone instead of engaging, doesn’t actually help us feel connected, it doesn’t fuel our core need to be seen, to be heard, and to be understood. It’s like a bunch of billboards with slogans and pictures, but no content, and certainly no reciprocity!

Technology has definitely connected the world. Sometimes it feels like a small world! Yet it’s also resulted in more shallow and superficial exchanges. We may feel elated when we look at our Likes or LinkedIn connections; then dejected when an important post doesn’t seem to have any traction. When people share their ‘life’ on social media, we often don’t know the whole story. Then we may feel our own life doesn’t ‘measure up’ further isolating us from others, thinking we aren’t ‘enough.’

Brene Brown is quoted as having said, “Technology, for instance, has become a kind of imposter for connection, making us believe we’re connected when we’re really not – at least not in the ways we need to be.” Seems the ‘not’ connected would be the shallow comments, the number of followers, and similar. These are more likely to make us question our value and self-worth than to bolster it.

So where can technology help this situation? Connecting with cross-country or out-of-country family over video and phone is absolutely one of them! Teams meetings with video helps our teams stay connected, informed and notice changes in body language so we know when to reach out. Dig into a book! This might be a topic of interest, a self-development book, or a fun read; invite others to join you online to discuss what you’re reading, maybe chapter-by-chapter or at specific milestones. Check in with someone you care about, randomly, for no specific reason (don’t share anything!); how are they? Tell them you’re thinking about them and sending good vibes their way. Our church has an online community as part of the weekly streaming with pastors and volunteers ready to listen, to pray, to encourage. Focus on the Family has volunteers (trained) to engage those online who are distraught and desperately hoping someone out there will care and engage. We’d love to hear YOUR ideas!

A final thought: in a room full of people, it’s very possible to feel alone. Food for thought: you are probably not the only one. Go out on a limb! Smile! Introduce yourself and ask a question or two, or offer a thought or two and invite a response. You might help two people!! – CMW